Internal Family Systems Process Group

A group of us have been gathering monthly to further explore the IFS model and build community around it. The group grew out of Jay Earley’s IFS classes for the general public and includes some therapists with IFS training. What began as a venue to discuss IFS concepts, do personal work with each other, and try out  workshop formats,  has developed into an IFS process group.  This format has helped us get to know each other,  deepened our relationships  and provided what feels like an exquisite and unique opportunity for being our Selves within a group. Though veterans of many group formats, we are struck by the tone of honesty and openness that this experience has created.

The process group is a format where we interact with each other by speaking for the parts that we are presently in touch with. Conversations develop from an authentic contact with ourselves and our present experience of any parts that have been activated. We each go through an internal focusing and checking in before speaking, so that parts can be delineated  and identified.

My personal experience has been a rich one. I enjoy the sensation of being totally curious about my internal stirrings and to think of them as having clear voices and names. As each strand of the complex tangle of my experience moves from a slight tingle, to a sensation, a thought, a persona, there is a sense of clarity, an excitement and coherence.

The fact that I am speaking about just a part of myself and not all of me, allows for a more courageous ownership of what I discover. For instance, I might feel uneasy about what someone said, or about an interaction between two other members. I trace my experience, is it fear, competitiveness, anger? As I explore, I sense where my energy flows freely or where it is blocked. Which of these feelings am I comfortable bringing to light in the group? What are the voices that say, “Don’t say that!”?  Can I also name those protectors and continue to feel into their structure and function.

Bringing these awarenesses into the group is another aspect of the process, a  next step that tests them out and makes them real. Sometimes we bump into one another.  The parts language allows us to be aware of things that could potentially be hurtful in outside social convention, and then make the decision to say them. People can experiment with bringing an aspect of themselves out into the open and hear it for themselves along with others.  When there are strong reactions or confrontation it can be uncomfortable to feel the parts stir that are afraid of conflict or are defensive or protective.  Though it is  much easier to know that I am revealing just a part of me, and not completely identifying with the voice as it emerges, there is still a tremulous journey we each make bring these parts into the light.  The field of the group supports these tender moments and has celebrated each person’s movement toward greater clarity and self revelation.

In the IFS community parts language has often been seen as particularly helpful when there is conflict. It feels like we are taking it a step further here; carrying on conversations that expand and spiral deeper because of the earnestness and integrity of their focus and the intention to function in this way with or without conflict.  Whether we are supporting, sharing intimacies, or being blatantly honest with  each other, our parts have an important role in fleshing out the fullness of our expression. The process of speaking for parts allows for us to own  our emotional inconsistencies. I can own a  part and its polar opposite at the same time.

For me what resonates most about the group is the feeling of truth in the room. I have always been sensitive to what feels like falsehood and people not coming from their authentic selves. I was the truth-teller in my family and this is probably what attracted me to being a therapist. With this process, people are with their truth when they speak from their Selves for their parts. So that the ring of authenticity is there and the more fractionalized or contracted parts are also acknowledged. It is this full truth that leads to deep relaxation, excitement and genuine contact.

We are all appreciating this experience of consciously staying in Self  while interacting with a group of people. We are learning to take the time to breathe, sense our bodies and emotionally check inside before speaking. We are learning to listen to others with the awareness of asking who is listening, and who has been activated. The flow and deepening of awareness comes from the honest ownership of the each part as it is brought to light in the interactive field. We notice the quality of the presence that is available as this field is supported and are nurtured by it. This space move us towards an intimacy that holds both our needs for autonomy and connection.

 The structure of the group is to share a pot luck meal where  we do our monthly check-ins.  We have noticed that when we hold to speaking for parts during check-ins we go deeper into ourselves and they feel more meaningful. This allows us to have some preliminary socialization and to catch up on personal news. and gives two hours to engage in the process format.

Our interactive guidelines are still evolving. At this point we stay in the present, talk for our parts and energetically support the process of the conversation. People mostly respond to the process of the group or personal issues between members. When available a person can take some time to explore the part on hand, and examine it’s protective function or history. We have not moved into doing individual session work with each other, and there has begun to be some discussion about the role of care-taking parts in the group, their function and impact.

There is a singing bowl available for anyone to sound as a signal for all of us to pause, go inside, and check in with any  parts that are activated. The conversation begins again from that awareness. This functions to keep the group on the task of remaining in Self awareness, and reinforces the feeling of capacity and  control for each member.

The group currently has 10 members and we have decided that this size allows for optimum participation and intimacy. This provides enough action and juice for interesting conversation, and enough space for people to express themselves and be heard.

 A palpable sense of presence develops as we move into this work; a sacred space is created that holds the truth. We each feel more embodied, alive and excited by the moment to moment possibilities of the process as we are simultaneously getting to know ourselves and each other.

We are willing to support any groups of this nature that are interested in forming.